Monday, April 14, 2008
The Disgusters
The band is back. There will be vomit. There will be blood. There will be sex. There will be drugs. There will be an aural assault that the world has never experienced before. Look out. This is the year of, The Disgusters!
Not even 3 times a week
Rich seems to think I update every day. Not even close, bud!
I just went outside to smoke. WTF? Snow???
Had a great weekend. Went to the Al Chymia Shrine Circus on Friday night, with VIP tickets my friend Jerry gave me. We got to sit on the floor, front row, right next to center ring. The girls rode the elephant, got their faces painted, and took pictures with a huge boa constrictor. The most exciting part for them was when the clowns asked them to be part of the act! I tell you, those poor clowns sure looked silly when these two little girls saved them from being crushed by the "heavy" weights :) The animal acts were good, the trapeze acts were good, it was all good. We all had a ton of fun.
Saturday we took Ramona to the shooting range. I rented a couple of .22s for her to try out. Mainly I wanted her to not be scared, and to know how to be safe around firearms. As long as they are going to be in the house, she should be educated in firearm safety. She did very well, especially considering she's never shot before. She got 3 bulls-eyes :) I had forgotten that Saturday is ".223 and shotgun night". So there were a lot of "M-16s" of various flavours there. Every time one would be fired, Ramona would flinch. They're awfully loud :) After that, we went to CiCi's for dinner.
Sunday was a lazy day, but that's ok. Ramona needed to wind down & get ready for her TCAPs this week, anyway. Fun stuff!
I just went outside to smoke. WTF? Snow???
Had a great weekend. Went to the Al Chymia Shrine Circus on Friday night, with VIP tickets my friend Jerry gave me. We got to sit on the floor, front row, right next to center ring. The girls rode the elephant, got their faces painted, and took pictures with a huge boa constrictor. The most exciting part for them was when the clowns asked them to be part of the act! I tell you, those poor clowns sure looked silly when these two little girls saved them from being crushed by the "heavy" weights :) The animal acts were good, the trapeze acts were good, it was all good. We all had a ton of fun.
Saturday we took Ramona to the shooting range. I rented a couple of .22s for her to try out. Mainly I wanted her to not be scared, and to know how to be safe around firearms. As long as they are going to be in the house, she should be educated in firearm safety. She did very well, especially considering she's never shot before. She got 3 bulls-eyes :) I had forgotten that Saturday is ".223 and shotgun night". So there were a lot of "M-16s" of various flavours there. Every time one would be fired, Ramona would flinch. They're awfully loud :) After that, we went to CiCi's for dinner.
Sunday was a lazy day, but that's ok. Ramona needed to wind down & get ready for her TCAPs this week, anyway. Fun stuff!
Monday, April 07, 2008
Cool project
Kettering University student Will Foster builds fully operational half-size Panzer tank
"I took it home, driving it around in this white picket fence neighborhood and one of the neighbors called the cops on us," said Foster, a Kettering University student who began building the tank from scratch nearly two years ago.
"I took it home, driving it around in this white picket fence neighborhood and one of the neighbors called the cops on us," said Foster, a Kettering University student who began building the tank from scratch nearly two years ago.
Friday, April 04, 2008
An old story
I posted this someplace else, and I hate to waste a perfectly good write-up of a good story...
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At my GF's work party. Picture me all dressed up, at a restaurant where one meal costs as much as my food budget for 2 weeks. Bossman was showing pictures of the Sporty he bought his wife for Christmas, so she could ride with him while he's on his Softail. Then he started going on about getting a sports bike, for when he wants to go fast.
"I think I'll get a VRod."
I barely notice my girlfriend tensing her whole body, praying that I won't embarrass her. She knows me better than I do. I really don't know why my mouth opened and words spewed forth.
"Why the hell would you want one of those?!?!?"
You could suddenly hear the dishwasher's cigarette hiss as he tossed it in the puddle outside. All conversation stopped.
"Why do you say that?" he asked, in a tone of voice that I'm sure has terrified many an opposing counsel.
"I mean, I understand that you want a performance motorcycle, but you should really look at some of the other options. A Hayabusa or GSX, maybe. If you just can't stand to buy a Jap bike, look at the Ducati's. Harley does what they do alright, but sportsbikes really aren't their thing."
About that time the waitress with our salads and all attention was drawn to my 1/4 head of lettuce with ranch on the side. (Hey, how was I supposed to know that they have a "Wedge". When she asked what kind of salad I wanted, I just said I wanted the regular old lettuce kind with ranch. No greek or whatever. I didn't really know there where so many different kinds of salad. The steak was good, though..)
On Monday my girlfriend called to tell me that bossman had stopped her in the hall to say, "You know, your boyfriend was right..." Apparently that rarely happens.
On an unrelated note, later that year his wife lost control of her Sporty, and ended up in a ditch. Most women of her social class would not only never have ridden again, but insisted their husband stop riding. She, on the other hand, insisted on picking the repaired bike up from the shop and riding it home herself...
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At my GF's work party. Picture me all dressed up, at a restaurant where one meal costs as much as my food budget for 2 weeks. Bossman was showing pictures of the Sporty he bought his wife for Christmas, so she could ride with him while he's on his Softail. Then he started going on about getting a sports bike, for when he wants to go fast.
"I think I'll get a VRod."
I barely notice my girlfriend tensing her whole body, praying that I won't embarrass her. She knows me better than I do. I really don't know why my mouth opened and words spewed forth.
"Why the hell would you want one of those?!?!?"
You could suddenly hear the dishwasher's cigarette hiss as he tossed it in the puddle outside. All conversation stopped.
"Why do you say that?" he asked, in a tone of voice that I'm sure has terrified many an opposing counsel.
"I mean, I understand that you want a performance motorcycle, but you should really look at some of the other options. A Hayabusa or GSX, maybe. If you just can't stand to buy a Jap bike, look at the Ducati's. Harley does what they do alright, but sportsbikes really aren't their thing."
About that time the waitress with our salads and all attention was drawn to my 1/4 head of lettuce with ranch on the side. (Hey, how was I supposed to know that they have a "Wedge". When she asked what kind of salad I wanted, I just said I wanted the regular old lettuce kind with ranch. No greek or whatever. I didn't really know there where so many different kinds of salad. The steak was good, though..)
On Monday my girlfriend called to tell me that bossman had stopped her in the hall to say, "You know, your boyfriend was right..." Apparently that rarely happens.
On an unrelated note, later that year his wife lost control of her Sporty, and ended up in a ditch. Most women of her social class would not only never have ridden again, but insisted their husband stop riding. She, on the other hand, insisted on picking the repaired bike up from the shop and riding it home herself...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
How about a disposable car?
Had a talk with someone yesterday & the concept of a disposable car came up. Here's a discussion weighing the merits and, um, demerits(?).
Monday, March 31, 2008
Good thing I don't have to figure it out for myself...
Women’s attractiveness judged by software by ZDNet's Roland Piquepaille -- According to Haaretz, an Israeli team of computer scientists has developed a software that ranks facial attractiveness of women. Instead of identifying basic facial characteristics, this software has been designed to make aesthetic judgments -- after training. The lead researcher said this program 'constitutes a substantial advance in the development of artificial intelligence.' It is interesting to note that the researchers focused on women only. Apparently, men' faces are more difficult to grade. But read more...
Friday, March 28, 2008
Good thing I never got that shaft ampallang
Nipple rings fall foul of airport check.
..."As Ms. Hamlin struggled to remove the piercing behind the curtain, she could hear a growing number of predominantly male TSA officers snickering in the background," the attorney said...
..."As Ms. Hamlin struggled to remove the piercing behind the curtain, she could hear a growing number of predominantly male TSA officers snickering in the background," the attorney said...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Do, a deer, a female deer
I sure hope you all had a nice Zombie Jesus Day, aka Easter.
Today when I was leaving work, there were two deer in the grass near my car. I was downwind, so I watched them for about 5 minutes. They were spooked, though, and never took their eyes off me. Finally they flashed their white flags at me and took off.
Today when I was leaving work, there were two deer in the grass near my car. I was downwind, so I watched them for about 5 minutes. They were spooked, though, and never took their eyes off me. Finally they flashed their white flags at me and took off.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Dream
As all dreams are, this one was a bit disjointed. It was strange that I actually remembered it, I usually don't remember my dreams.
I was staying in a duplex down the street from my house, one that I've never seen before, but similar to the one I lived in when Sam first moved in with me. (Even now I think I should recognise it, I know I've seen it, and I can't remember whose it was.) I knew it wasn't my house, I was renting it for some reason. My mom was there, hanging out with me for a couple of weeks. I was sick, and not leaving the house. I don't remember what we talked about or did, I just remember lying on the bed and her being in the same room. After a couple of weeks she left. I was still sick. J came over to check on me. I was trying to tell her about my mom being there when I noticed my boss's white Hummer pulling up. I wasn't sure how either of them found me. I'm pretty sure I rented the duplex so I couldn't be found while I was sick. I suppose I should have moved farther than down the street, though. Boss said they were just worried about me, since they hadn't heard from me. Then he felt my head & said, "Yep, it's moved from your chest to your head." I felt that was true, and the resulting fever is what caused me to spend so much time with mom.
Around then is when I woke up. Earlier that night I had really bad heartburn. Almost the worst I've ever had. In the distant past, I've had "fever dreams" that involved collecting a million pennies to save my mom's life. Interesting that she popped up in this (apparently) illness-influenced dream.
There's a lot of things that have become obvious to me as a result of this dream. I'm not sure if I'm ready to put them up for public consumption at this time. Maybe.
I was staying in a duplex down the street from my house, one that I've never seen before, but similar to the one I lived in when Sam first moved in with me. (Even now I think I should recognise it, I know I've seen it, and I can't remember whose it was.) I knew it wasn't my house, I was renting it for some reason. My mom was there, hanging out with me for a couple of weeks. I was sick, and not leaving the house. I don't remember what we talked about or did, I just remember lying on the bed and her being in the same room. After a couple of weeks she left. I was still sick. J came over to check on me. I was trying to tell her about my mom being there when I noticed my boss's white Hummer pulling up. I wasn't sure how either of them found me. I'm pretty sure I rented the duplex so I couldn't be found while I was sick. I suppose I should have moved farther than down the street, though. Boss said they were just worried about me, since they hadn't heard from me. Then he felt my head & said, "Yep, it's moved from your chest to your head." I felt that was true, and the resulting fever is what caused me to spend so much time with mom.
Around then is when I woke up. Earlier that night I had really bad heartburn. Almost the worst I've ever had. In the distant past, I've had "fever dreams" that involved collecting a million pennies to save my mom's life. Interesting that she popped up in this (apparently) illness-influenced dream.
There's a lot of things that have become obvious to me as a result of this dream. I'm not sure if I'm ready to put them up for public consumption at this time. Maybe.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Woman Sat on Toilet for 2 Years
It appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat...
"It just kind of happened one day. She went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay — like it was a safe place for her," McFarren said.
WTF! I thought *I* knew some crazy bitches!!!
"It just kind of happened one day. She went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay — like it was a safe place for her," McFarren said.
WTF! I thought *I* knew some crazy bitches!!!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
New puppy!
Ramona named her Flomar. It's from some movie, supposedly means "Big fluffy friend" in Martian. She's 10 weeks old, born Jan 10, 2008.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
"Dad, does our stove and oven work?"
Gee, what a way to make me feel inferior. Yeah, ok. I tend more towards microwave & fast food. I never could cook. Ramona is fond of telling the story of the time I messed up *cold cereal*. Believe it.
So anyway, after confirming the operational status of our cooking appliances, Ramona asked if it was ok if she cooked. The next time I saw her she was making up a shopping list.
At the grocery store, she takes charge. We need this and this and where are the noodles??? At one point she informed me I wasn't good for anything. Oh, really? Why don't you say that when we get to the cashier. Oops :)
Last night she cooked dinner for me for the first time. Tortellini (sp?) alfredo and french bread. Oh yeah, somewhere she found garlic salt. A *lot* of garlic salt.
I'm not a huge fan of pasta, but it was definitely edible. More so than my cooking, which tends to cold cereal (I don't always mess it up), sandwiches, and poptarts.
Of course, that means I'm responsible for cleaning the kitchen :(
So anyway, after confirming the operational status of our cooking appliances, Ramona asked if it was ok if she cooked. The next time I saw her she was making up a shopping list.
At the grocery store, she takes charge. We need this and this and where are the noodles??? At one point she informed me I wasn't good for anything. Oh, really? Why don't you say that when we get to the cashier. Oops :)
Last night she cooked dinner for me for the first time. Tortellini (sp?) alfredo and french bread. Oh yeah, somewhere she found garlic salt. A *lot* of garlic salt.
I'm not a huge fan of pasta, but it was definitely edible. More so than my cooking, which tends to cold cereal (I don't always mess it up), sandwiches, and poptarts.
Of course, that means I'm responsible for cleaning the kitchen :(
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
New holiday for men
Men-Every 14th of Feb you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentine's Day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your OL that you really love them more than anything.
Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret. Guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret--guys feel left out. Thats right, left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20 is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day." Simple, effective, and self-explanatory. This holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town. The name of the holiday says it all. Just a steak and a blowjob. That's it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in Feb to ensure a more memorable March! Its like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret. Guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret--guys feel left out. Thats right, left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20 is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day." Simple, effective, and self-explanatory. This holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town. The name of the holiday says it all. Just a steak and a blowjob. That's it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in Feb to ensure a more memorable March! Its like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Hmmm, I probably shouldn't have stumbled onto this page
Homemade hydrogen. AKA How to get hurt!
We did this in high school, on a Friday. Of course, instead of a battery we used a battery charger, with a slick little setup. After the experiment, Col. Sanders (I don't remember the teacher's real name. He looked like Col. Sanders, though) asked if anyone wanted to get charged up for the weekend, and held up the clips from the charger. I, being a dumbass, volunteered. I held a clip in each hand & he flipped it on. I couldn't tell you how long he left it on, I was being electrocuted :) It certainly dazed me, and random people kept coming up to me in the hall to comment that my hair was more frizzy than normal.
Bzzzztt!
We did this in high school, on a Friday. Of course, instead of a battery we used a battery charger, with a slick little setup. After the experiment, Col. Sanders (I don't remember the teacher's real name. He looked like Col. Sanders, though) asked if anyone wanted to get charged up for the weekend, and held up the clips from the charger. I, being a dumbass, volunteered. I held a clip in each hand & he flipped it on. I couldn't tell you how long he left it on, I was being electrocuted :) It certainly dazed me, and random people kept coming up to me in the hall to comment that my hair was more frizzy than normal.
Bzzzztt!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
It had to start eventually
You know, when Ramona started getting interested in being boyfriend & girlfriend.
Sam borrowed her phone today, and while texting D (who had her phone) she started looking through Ramona's sent & received texts. There were a lot of texts there that worried her. Things like "OMG I missed you today!" "Baby are you feeling ok, you missed school." And most disturbing... many of the texts were ended with "love ya!" She didn't recognise the boys name. So she called the number...
It was a girl's phone.
She called me all freaking out, wanting to ask Ramona about it, but didn't want her to think she was snooping. I told her to go ahead and ask about it. It's our *job* to snoop :)
So she asked about it. Turns out the girl is in her choir class, and due to her voice she's in the primarily male section. As an inside joke, they all started calling the girls in the "boys" section male names. No girlfriend-girlfriend thing at all.
Sam talked to her, and let her know that we don't care if she likes boys or girls, and whatever orientation she ended up being we'd still love her and support her. She also pointed out that whatever she does, she should be discreet about dating stuff when she's at school, because kids can be very cruel.
No worries yet :)
Sam borrowed her phone today, and while texting D (who had her phone) she started looking through Ramona's sent & received texts. There were a lot of texts there that worried her. Things like "OMG I missed you today!" "Baby are you feeling ok, you missed school." And most disturbing... many of the texts were ended with "love ya!" She didn't recognise the boys name. So she called the number...
It was a girl's phone.
She called me all freaking out, wanting to ask Ramona about it, but didn't want her to think she was snooping. I told her to go ahead and ask about it. It's our *job* to snoop :)
So she asked about it. Turns out the girl is in her choir class, and due to her voice she's in the primarily male section. As an inside joke, they all started calling the girls in the "boys" section male names. No girlfriend-girlfriend thing at all.
Sam talked to her, and let her know that we don't care if she likes boys or girls, and whatever orientation she ended up being we'd still love her and support her. She also pointed out that whatever she does, she should be discreet about dating stuff when she's at school, because kids can be very cruel.
No worries yet :)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Another fun Friday night...
A guy from work asked if I wanted to shoot some pool a couple of nights ago. "A lot of bikers hang out there, you'll like it". I don't go out much, but I figured what the hell, right?
He shows up with his neighbor, a squid from the local base. (No offense to Navy guys, but around here just about anytime I've been randomly assaulted it's been a drunk squid).
As we're shooting pool & they're drinking their beer (I'm a water guy), I noticed that there were plenty of colors around. I guesstimated about 20 Boozefighters were hanging out. No big deal. Until the owner of the bar, a Boozefighter, accuses the squid of bowing up on him. Squidboy was drunk, and ready to go. I believe the quote was "that motherfucker needs to put on a hunnerd pounds before he starts something with me."
Just before things went too far, I stepped up, started pulling this mofo back & said "this is just a misunderstanding. No one was trying to offend anyone." and got the situation calmed down a bit. When he resisted, I explained the situation to him. "I don't care who he is! The US Navy is the biggest fucking gang there is!" At the time there was only one of his "gang" there, but the 3 of us were completely surrounded. Call me a pussy if you want, but I felt just like I was in the end of the Wild Hogs movie. Without the happy ending.
We finally got the fuck out of there. They went to the next bar, I went home. Found out later they got kicked out of 3 bars that night, all due to squidboy.
Now it'll be another 2-3 years before I bother to go anywhere with anyone :)
He shows up with his neighbor, a squid from the local base. (No offense to Navy guys, but around here just about anytime I've been randomly assaulted it's been a drunk squid).
As we're shooting pool & they're drinking their beer (I'm a water guy), I noticed that there were plenty of colors around. I guesstimated about 20 Boozefighters were hanging out. No big deal. Until the owner of the bar, a Boozefighter, accuses the squid of bowing up on him. Squidboy was drunk, and ready to go. I believe the quote was "that motherfucker needs to put on a hunnerd pounds before he starts something with me."
Just before things went too far, I stepped up, started pulling this mofo back & said "this is just a misunderstanding. No one was trying to offend anyone." and got the situation calmed down a bit. When he resisted, I explained the situation to him. "I don't care who he is! The US Navy is the biggest fucking gang there is!" At the time there was only one of his "gang" there, but the 3 of us were completely surrounded. Call me a pussy if you want, but I felt just like I was in the end of the Wild Hogs movie. Without the happy ending.
We finally got the fuck out of there. They went to the next bar, I went home. Found out later they got kicked out of 3 bars that night, all due to squidboy.
Now it'll be another 2-3 years before I bother to go anywhere with anyone :)
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Common Ties
Common Ties is simple. We ask the world 20 Questions and look for answers that tell, in 50 words or less, stories that trigger strong emotional reactions. We then pair these answers with art – submitted by writers themselves or other artists – and call them jeles. We publish 10 every Friday.
Friday, February 22, 2008
One Million Monkeys Typing
An evolutionary writing site. Only the strongest stories survive. – Simian Simon
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
So most victims of online sex predators *know* they're talking to a predator?
WTF?!?!
Study rejects Internet sex predator stereotype
"Wolak said teens who engaged in risky online behavior--having buddy lists that included strangers, discussing sex online with strangers, being rude online--were much more likely to be targeted.
"One of the big factors we found is that offenders target kids who are willing to talk to them online. Most kids are not," Wolak said."
Study rejects Internet sex predator stereotype
"Wolak said teens who engaged in risky online behavior--having buddy lists that included strangers, discussing sex online with strangers, being rude online--were much more likely to be targeted.
"One of the big factors we found is that offenders target kids who are willing to talk to them online. Most kids are not," Wolak said."
Monday, February 18, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Friday, February 08, 2008
Weird
According to this Candidate Calculator, I'm an 80% match for Mike Huckabee.
While I'm here, here's a nice informal, unscientific study that shows which books make you dumb. I mostly run to the 1200 range...
While I'm here, here's a nice informal, unscientific study that shows which books make you dumb. I mostly run to the 1200 range...
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
I think I understand now
At first I couldn't believe Sesame Street was "not suitable for children", but after seeing this video short of the Count, I think I get it now.
Get down with the sickness
Ramona is sick today, her stomach hurts and she's "dizzy". Most likely due to her staying up all night listening to the tornado sirens :(
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
The joys of TN vehicle inspection
I had a meeting at the school to confirm Ramona's continued eligibility for CLUE. When I left, I was driving past the inspection station & noticed they had a short line. Since it's warm out today & my car was acting right & my tags expire this month, I jetted in & got the inspection done. Passed with flying colors! :)
Yay! for not waiting until the last minute!
Yay! for not waiting until the last minute!
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
Oh! Oh! Oh! I want one!
It's *practically* a bionic eye! You can just call me the 6 million dollar man!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Well, my birthday is well past
And no, I didn't get any nekkid pix :(
What I *did* get was a nice little trip to Nashville with Ramona. Just barely, though. We'd talked about it in the past, but it never worked out. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to afford it this time, so I didn't tell her about it. Rich was confident enough to take Fri. nite off, though. I'm digressing. So Thursday night Ramona comes into my room & states that her mother is picking her up from school on Fri. so I can go out & "do something fun *you* want to do on your birthday". OMG! As soon as she left the room I called Sam. Seems as though Ramona had planned it all, and it was really going to be a burden on Sam. Good for me! I told Sam not to worry about it, I'd pick her up and we were going to Nashville, but don't tell Ramona, it's a surprise.
Friday rolls around & I take off work early, go home & pack for us both, being sure to put everything in the trunk. You know, so she can't see it. I head to the school & pick her up, and of course she comments that "Mom was supposed to pick me up". Oh, she's running late so I told he I'd pick you up. We get on I-40 and head east. We pass Wolfchase. We pass Lakeland. I can tell by now she's confused, and she knows we're much farther east than is usual. So I turn off the radio & get her to take her ipod off. Now she's worried that she's in trouble.
"Sweetie, you know today is my birthday, and you're supposed to stay with your mom so I can do whatever it is that I want to do most. Well, what I want to do most is go on a trip to Nashville with you. So instead of staying with your mom, we're going to Nashville."
She screams & hollers & basically is happy. I give her her phone & she starts texting all her friends telling them where we're going. After the initial flurry of texts, I'm glad she got the ipod nano with video. She's got all her music on there, and a couple of movies to keep her occupied for the trip.
We get to Nashville & meet up with Rich & Lisa. Dinner at Sal's (I think) pizza joint. The pizza was pretty good, but I like the High Point pizza better :) Then we go check into the hotel & hang out there a bit. I couldn't get wireless working, but I was able to "hack" into the old wired connection. It helped that a previous occupant had removed the faceplate that covered it :)
Saturday morning we woke up bright & early & checked out. Brunch at ihop. Then Lisa split to do schoolwork, and Ramona, Rich, & I went to the Adventure Science Center. It was fun, and Rich got to touch things (but not the abundance of milfs). Towards the end, Ramona convinced me to do the flight simulator with her. It looks like so much fun, you spin around & go upside down. Well, after the first time we went upside down, she was threatening to hit the "stop movement" button. I think it freaked her out more than she expected :)
A combination of the flight sim & ihop breakfast (there's a *reason* I don't eat their eggs) upset my stomach something fierce. Luckily Ramona had some Tums in her purse. We sat in the car & gave that a chance to work, and then went to pick up Lisa for dinner, at Red Robin. The burgers were really, really good. They ought to be, at 10 bucks a pop! Oh, well, Rich gracefully paid for most of the meals while we were there, as a birthday present. Thanks Rich!
We made our way towards home. I don't think Ramona made it out of the county before she was asleep.
It was a great trip, and a great birthday!
What I *did* get was a nice little trip to Nashville with Ramona. Just barely, though. We'd talked about it in the past, but it never worked out. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to afford it this time, so I didn't tell her about it. Rich was confident enough to take Fri. nite off, though. I'm digressing. So Thursday night Ramona comes into my room & states that her mother is picking her up from school on Fri. so I can go out & "do something fun *you* want to do on your birthday". OMG! As soon as she left the room I called Sam. Seems as though Ramona had planned it all, and it was really going to be a burden on Sam. Good for me! I told Sam not to worry about it, I'd pick her up and we were going to Nashville, but don't tell Ramona, it's a surprise.
Friday rolls around & I take off work early, go home & pack for us both, being sure to put everything in the trunk. You know, so she can't see it. I head to the school & pick her up, and of course she comments that "Mom was supposed to pick me up". Oh, she's running late so I told he I'd pick you up. We get on I-40 and head east. We pass Wolfchase. We pass Lakeland. I can tell by now she's confused, and she knows we're much farther east than is usual. So I turn off the radio & get her to take her ipod off. Now she's worried that she's in trouble.
"Sweetie, you know today is my birthday, and you're supposed to stay with your mom so I can do whatever it is that I want to do most. Well, what I want to do most is go on a trip to Nashville with you. So instead of staying with your mom, we're going to Nashville."
She screams & hollers & basically is happy. I give her her phone & she starts texting all her friends telling them where we're going. After the initial flurry of texts, I'm glad she got the ipod nano with video. She's got all her music on there, and a couple of movies to keep her occupied for the trip.
We get to Nashville & meet up with Rich & Lisa. Dinner at Sal's (I think) pizza joint. The pizza was pretty good, but I like the High Point pizza better :) Then we go check into the hotel & hang out there a bit. I couldn't get wireless working, but I was able to "hack" into the old wired connection. It helped that a previous occupant had removed the faceplate that covered it :)
Saturday morning we woke up bright & early & checked out. Brunch at ihop. Then Lisa split to do schoolwork, and Ramona, Rich, & I went to the Adventure Science Center. It was fun, and Rich got to touch things (but not the abundance of milfs). Towards the end, Ramona convinced me to do the flight simulator with her. It looks like so much fun, you spin around & go upside down. Well, after the first time we went upside down, she was threatening to hit the "stop movement" button. I think it freaked her out more than she expected :)
A combination of the flight sim & ihop breakfast (there's a *reason* I don't eat their eggs) upset my stomach something fierce. Luckily Ramona had some Tums in her purse. We sat in the car & gave that a chance to work, and then went to pick up Lisa for dinner, at Red Robin. The burgers were really, really good. They ought to be, at 10 bucks a pop! Oh, well, Rich gracefully paid for most of the meals while we were there, as a birthday present. Thanks Rich!
We made our way towards home. I don't think Ramona made it out of the county before she was asleep.
It was a great trip, and a great birthday!
Oooh, I want one of these to play with
The Thunderpack model TP-R2G2, a personal jet backpack with a maximum flight time of 75 seconds, and only costs $100k. Now, where did I put my checkbook???
Monday, January 28, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A pet post!
Not *my* pet, though. Hmmm, although I might be convinced to adopt the second one :)
Kitten stowaway abducted! Ok, not really. The kitten did stowaway in her owners suitcase, and she did take a nice little plane ride. I'm quite sure the plan was to pop out and surprise her owner at the destination. By that time, it would be too late to send her home, and she could enjoy a bit of a vacation. Imagine the look of shock on her feline features when she jumped out... to discover the suitcase had "accidentally" been picked up by some stranger! Needless to say she was less than pleased. Unfortunately for the catnabber, she expressed her discontent using her teeth and claws, and sat on the man's slowly cooling corpse while she called home for someone to come pick her up.*
* Portions of my report may have been fabricated
Speaking of kitties, goth girl Tasha was kicked off a London bus for wearing a leash. She considers herself a "pet" for her fiance. She doesn't work, and he does all the cooking and cleaning, including laying out her clothes for her. Personally, I think *he's* the freak. Still, she's cute enough, in kinda a Chelsea Clinton way ("pet" picture here).
Kitten stowaway abducted! Ok, not really. The kitten did stowaway in her owners suitcase, and she did take a nice little plane ride. I'm quite sure the plan was to pop out and surprise her owner at the destination. By that time, it would be too late to send her home, and she could enjoy a bit of a vacation. Imagine the look of shock on her feline features when she jumped out... to discover the suitcase had "accidentally" been picked up by some stranger! Needless to say she was less than pleased. Unfortunately for the catnabber, she expressed her discontent using her teeth and claws, and sat on the man's slowly cooling corpse while she called home for someone to come pick her up.*
* Portions of my report may have been fabricated
Speaking of kitties, goth girl Tasha was kicked off a London bus for wearing a leash. She considers herself a "pet" for her fiance. She doesn't work, and he does all the cooking and cleaning, including laying out her clothes for her. Personally, I think *he's* the freak. Still, she's cute enough, in kinda a Chelsea Clinton way ("pet" picture here).
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Try standing on your head
I got a call today from a long-time client. They're one of our best clients. Not big, or especially lucrative, but very nice & appreciative. Not the kind that calls up screaming at you because their computer doesn't work, leaving out the part where they installed a "free" screensaver just before their PC became a virus-laden cesspool.
Anyway, Sue (not her real name) called me in a panic. "Long story short, I broke my arm a while back, and I was trying to carry some papers but I dropped them on my keyboard and now my screen is upside down! What do I do???"
Well, luckily she's a good sport and laughed at my suggestion that she stand on her head :) I knew what had happened, some video cards allow you to change the rotation of your display, so you can turn it on it's side for a page view or even 180 deg, although I don't know why you'd want to. So I went in to her system remotely, which had the benefit of the display being correct, turned off her display rotation, then turned off the hotkey which enabled it.
She was happy, and it made a bad work week a little more pleasant.
Anyway, Sue (not her real name) called me in a panic. "Long story short, I broke my arm a while back, and I was trying to carry some papers but I dropped them on my keyboard and now my screen is upside down! What do I do???"
Well, luckily she's a good sport and laughed at my suggestion that she stand on her head :) I knew what had happened, some video cards allow you to change the rotation of your display, so you can turn it on it's side for a page view or even 180 deg, although I don't know why you'd want to. So I went in to her system remotely, which had the benefit of the display being correct, turned off her display rotation, then turned off the hotkey which enabled it.
She was happy, and it made a bad work week a little more pleasant.
Video games *are* good for something
Man Imitates America's Army, Saves Lives
When Paxton Galvanek saw the SUV roll several times, he told his wife to call 911 and went to help the passengers. He pulled the first person out of the vehicle, determined there were only minor injuries and moved on to the next. This was more serious. Missing fingers and excessive bleeding.
Remembering medic training during the game America's Army, he utilized the first aid skills he learned there to stabilize the injured man's condition until more qualified help arrived. It's very possible the man would have bled to death if Galvanek hadn't been there to help.
----
I played AA for quite a while before I moved to Counter-Strike:Source. The training, especially the medic training, was a pain in the ass. You sat through several lectures and then took a quiz. My biggest complaint was that this didn't help you whatsoever in the game. In the game you found an injured player, hit the "heal" key, and went on. I guess that medic training wasn't a complete waste of time :)
When Paxton Galvanek saw the SUV roll several times, he told his wife to call 911 and went to help the passengers. He pulled the first person out of the vehicle, determined there were only minor injuries and moved on to the next. This was more serious. Missing fingers and excessive bleeding.
Remembering medic training during the game America's Army, he utilized the first aid skills he learned there to stabilize the injured man's condition until more qualified help arrived. It's very possible the man would have bled to death if Galvanek hadn't been there to help.
----
I played AA for quite a while before I moved to Counter-Strike:Source. The training, especially the medic training, was a pain in the ass. You sat through several lectures and then took a quiz. My biggest complaint was that this didn't help you whatsoever in the game. In the game you found an injured player, hit the "heal" key, and went on. I guess that medic training wasn't a complete waste of time :)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
The best advice his father ever gave him: “Son, you know when things get down and out and life’s hard on you?” Larrison nodded, waiting eagerly. His father leaned forward. “It’s going to get worse.” It seemed like forever passed before his father added the punch line: “So don’t ever give up.”
- Jack's dad
- Jack's dad
Thursday, January 17, 2008
File this under "Duh!"
Apparently someone decided they needed to spend a bunch of money to find out that kids don't like clowns. In fact, most are scared of them.
On a slightly unrelated topic, my baby sister just texted me with the gender of her unborn child... only 6 months left to go, LOL!!! Hey Janis! Don't forget to check out this cool website! :D
On a slightly unrelated topic, my baby sister just texted me with the gender of her unborn child... only 6 months left to go, LOL!!! Hey Janis! Don't forget to check out this cool website! :D
Monday, January 14, 2008
Damn I hate about.com
With all their links to "related" subjects! It's easy to lose a day there, going from page to page.
Then you get stuck on the Holistic Healing pages, and find articles like Cutting Cords to Toxic Relationships. Ok, *obviously* something about the link made me click on it. Somehow I think I was looking for something other than "visualize walking towards them on a bridge, talking about stuff, then visualize walking away".
Hmmm, I wonder if they have something like "What To Do When Restraining Orders Aren't Enough". :)
(actually, they *do* have All About Restraining Orders. Apparently you're supposed to call 911...)
Then you get stuck on the Holistic Healing pages, and find articles like Cutting Cords to Toxic Relationships. Ok, *obviously* something about the link made me click on it. Somehow I think I was looking for something other than "visualize walking towards them on a bridge, talking about stuff, then visualize walking away".
Hmmm, I wonder if they have something like "What To Do When Restraining Orders Aren't Enough". :)
(actually, they *do* have All About Restraining Orders. Apparently you're supposed to call 911...)
Friday, January 11, 2008
I have found a new requirement for marriage consideration
She has to be able to watch this whole video without laughing, exploding, or screaming "Oh my god!" while gouging her eyes out....
Monday, January 07, 2008
QOTD
Sometimes things fall apart just so other things can fall into place.
-Seen on Kelli M.s myspace page.
I'm pretty sure it wasn't *her* quote, though. When I googled it, it came back with a bunch of myspace pages. Go figure.
-Seen on Kelli M.s myspace page.
I'm pretty sure it wasn't *her* quote, though. When I googled it, it came back with a bunch of myspace pages. Go figure.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
You reap what you sow.
Etc. etc. You know how it is, you find yourself barrelling down a path of your own choosing. Events are unfolding exactly the way you expect them to unfold unless you do something to change them, yet you stand and watch. "Your band sounds worse than a train wreck!" You'll put an eye out! Hey y'all! Watch this!
2008 should be interesting to say the least. Ah, yes.
"May you live in interesting times"....
Etc. etc. You know how it is, you find yourself barrelling down a path of your own choosing. Events are unfolding exactly the way you expect them to unfold unless you do something to change them, yet you stand and watch. "Your band sounds worse than a train wreck!" You'll put an eye out! Hey y'all! Watch this!
2008 should be interesting to say the least. Ah, yes.
"May you live in interesting times"....
Thursday, January 03, 2008
First burnout on the new bike
1980 Goldwing, with all the baggage stripped off. I was kinda surprised it spun the tire so easy, as heavy as it is.
Long story short, the original owner started swapping the engine on it, got as far as putting everything in & finger-tightening the motor mount bolts & his son decided he wanted a hot rod instead.
I tightened everything I could find, checked the fluids & dumped the old gas (into a "bad gas" can). Put some premium in it & shot some starting fluid in the carbs & fired her up. According to my dad that will fix 90% of old carbs, saving you from a rebuild. It's got a bunch of power, first bike I've ridden over an 800, a GL1100. I rode it up & down my street a few times, could barely get out of first gear on my street (at least the part it's safe to ride a bike with no head or tail lights). My biggest surprise was the idiot light coming on to tell me the rear suspension needs more air. Even my car doesn't have that
Next up I need to figure out why the radiator fan isn't coming on, probably isn't wired up yet, and try to run as much of this "high test" through the carbs as possible. It's stumbling at idle, but once you get on it, it runs good. I'm thinking one or more of the pilot jets is clogged. The throttle is a bit stiff, but I've traced that to the carb shafts. Going to try a bit of PB Blaster & see if that loosens them up.
Going with the stock rear fender & tail light for now, at least until I get tags. I have to decide whether I'm going to put the fairing back on or leave it off & rig up a headlight. This is going to be my sidecar/"trip" bike, so I might pussy out
Once that's done, my tax refund should come in & I can start on the sidecar. I'm going fairly basic. Getting the mounts from a guy here and my uncle is going to weld it up for me. I've never ridden a sidecar rig before, so it should be interesting. One thing I'm not clear on is if the sidecar is supposed to have a suspension. It seems like if the bike AND the sidecar has a suspension, things will be all mushy. Well, I guess it's not much different from having independent rear suspension.
Well, enough rambling, I just wanted to share with you guys. It wasn't exactly a "first of 2008" but it could be the "last of 2007" ride/burnout post
Happy New Year!
Long story short, the original owner started swapping the engine on it, got as far as putting everything in & finger-tightening the motor mount bolts & his son decided he wanted a hot rod instead.
I tightened everything I could find, checked the fluids & dumped the old gas (into a "bad gas" can). Put some premium in it & shot some starting fluid in the carbs & fired her up. According to my dad that will fix 90% of old carbs, saving you from a rebuild. It's got a bunch of power, first bike I've ridden over an 800, a GL1100. I rode it up & down my street a few times, could barely get out of first gear on my street (at least the part it's safe to ride a bike with no head or tail lights). My biggest surprise was the idiot light coming on to tell me the rear suspension needs more air. Even my car doesn't have that
Next up I need to figure out why the radiator fan isn't coming on, probably isn't wired up yet, and try to run as much of this "high test" through the carbs as possible. It's stumbling at idle, but once you get on it, it runs good. I'm thinking one or more of the pilot jets is clogged. The throttle is a bit stiff, but I've traced that to the carb shafts. Going to try a bit of PB Blaster & see if that loosens them up.
Going with the stock rear fender & tail light for now, at least until I get tags. I have to decide whether I'm going to put the fairing back on or leave it off & rig up a headlight. This is going to be my sidecar/"trip" bike, so I might pussy out
Once that's done, my tax refund should come in & I can start on the sidecar. I'm going fairly basic. Getting the mounts from a guy here and my uncle is going to weld it up for me. I've never ridden a sidecar rig before, so it should be interesting. One thing I'm not clear on is if the sidecar is supposed to have a suspension. It seems like if the bike AND the sidecar has a suspension, things will be all mushy. Well, I guess it's not much different from having independent rear suspension.
Well, enough rambling, I just wanted to share with you guys. It wasn't exactly a "first of 2008" but it could be the "last of 2007" ride/burnout post
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Xmas story
So xmas eve I was at my sister's house, waiting to go to the grownups xmas party. My 5yo nephew was running around in his undies, and wouldn't get dressed. We were talking about santa, and I told him I wasn't getting anything. When he asked why not, I said I was bad, I had a habit of spanking naked little boys who refused to get dressed. I was trying to convince him to put some clothes on. Fast forward to my stepmom's house. She wanted to talk to me. Apparently little Cayden informed her that I wasn't getting anything for xmas because "He likes to spank naked little boys", totally leaving off the "who won't get dressed" part :)
Luckily I was able to explain...
Luckily I was able to explain...
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
An all new KITT
I always loved Knight Rider. KITT was just so fucking cool. Now they're coming out with a new Knight Rider made for tv movie. I doubt it'll be David H. playing Michael, though :) Who cares about Michael? All we care about is the new KITT, this time they're dumping the lame Pontiac and going with a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR. Most of the commenters hate it, but they're losers. That car kicks ass!!!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dad catches kid smoking pot, sells Xmas presents on Ebay
A Canadian man who said he sold his 15-year-old son's prized video game, a Christmas gift, on eBay after catching him smoking marijuana has sparked an online debate on who is wrong--father or son.
Full Story
I say good for him. The kid got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do. Whether pot should or shouldn't be legal is irrelevant. Sure, it's possible the whole debacle is "publicly humiliating" the son. Good! Most punishment, especially the quick ones, are *supposed* to be humiliating. The pain from a spanking doesn't last long. The emotional pain does, and that's the true deterrent! I can ground, spank, beg, or bribe R to be good in private, and it barely works. A quick swat in public *where other people can see* and she's instantly on her best behavior. So take away his Guitar Hero III, and let him know why. Mind your Dad, kid!
Full Story
I say good for him. The kid got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do. Whether pot should or shouldn't be legal is irrelevant. Sure, it's possible the whole debacle is "publicly humiliating" the son. Good! Most punishment, especially the quick ones, are *supposed* to be humiliating. The pain from a spanking doesn't last long. The emotional pain does, and that's the true deterrent! I can ground, spank, beg, or bribe R to be good in private, and it barely works. A quick swat in public *where other people can see* and she's instantly on her best behavior. So take away his Guitar Hero III, and let him know why. Mind your Dad, kid!
Ahh, good ol' Wired magazine.
Trust Wired magazine to bring up the concept of Alt.Santas (each one wanting to be your holiday provider). My personal favorite is Parent Appreciation Santa. How much does it suck to bust your ass to get your kid just what they want, only to have them tell you that Santa always brings good stuff, while "your presents are boring".
I'm just about sick of the whole Christmas thing, anyway. Fucking commercialism.
I'm just about sick of the whole Christmas thing, anyway. Fucking commercialism.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Merry Xmas to ME
Well I broke down and got some new boots this weekend. My old boots were 15+ years old and barely had any sole left :) I've looked for a suitable replacement for a while, but surprisingly enough I couldn't find anything decent for under $100. Hell! I only paid $50 for those old Walmart boots, and they lasted for fucking ever!
Well, my options basically boiled down to $110 boots that weren't steel-toe, had crappy leather, but looked pretty, or $135 for steel-toe, good quality Doc Martens, but they're brown & not so pretty. Oh, well. I dig the lug soles, and they were comfortable from the first time I wore them, and they should last. They'll also do a good job replacing my skateboard shoes for when I'm riding.
Super-duper bonus! They're genuine shit-kickers! Now I look even MORE like the white-trash piece o' shit redneck that I am! Hell, if my hair & beard get just a bit more white/grey, I'll look just like the Gambler!
Yeehaw! Motherfuckers!
PS. I should probably warn you, in case you're reading: don't go digging through my trash can. Remember, redneck, whitetrash, lying, cheating, woman-stealing motherfuckers have guns... It's part of what makes us who we are.
Well, my options basically boiled down to $110 boots that weren't steel-toe, had crappy leather, but looked pretty, or $135 for steel-toe, good quality Doc Martens, but they're brown & not so pretty. Oh, well. I dig the lug soles, and they were comfortable from the first time I wore them, and they should last. They'll also do a good job replacing my skateboard shoes for when I'm riding.
Super-duper bonus! They're genuine shit-kickers! Now I look even MORE like the white-trash piece o' shit redneck that I am! Hell, if my hair & beard get just a bit more white/grey, I'll look just like the Gambler!
Yeehaw! Motherfuckers!
PS. I should probably warn you, in case you're reading: don't go digging through my trash can. Remember, redneck, whitetrash, lying, cheating, woman-stealing motherfuckers have guns... It's part of what makes us who we are.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Quote of the Day
Dysfunction:
"The only consistent feature in all your dysfunctional relationships is you."
Yes, I realize this is the perfect lead-in to Mr. Anonymous to send me another snarky comment. Go ahead and comment, it doesn't affect me in the least, and I'm assuming it makes you feel better. I'd hate for you to put all that effort in for no reward.
"The only consistent feature in all your dysfunctional relationships is you."
Yes, I realize this is the perfect lead-in to Mr. Anonymous to send me another snarky comment. Go ahead and comment, it doesn't affect me in the least, and I'm assuming it makes you feel better. I'd hate for you to put all that effort in for no reward.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I don't know if I'd call it the "Word of the Year"
Tuesday, Merriam-Webster crowned "w00t" word of the year.
I don't think I'd even call it a "word". A saying, or an expression, maybe. But not a word. Is it still a word if it has numbers in it? Wikipedia isn't clear.
I don't think I'd even call it a "word". A saying, or an expression, maybe. But not a word. Is it still a word if it has numbers in it? Wikipedia isn't clear.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I don't think it works for dogs
PawSense - Catproof your computer.
Please note, however: "PawSense does not include a miracle cure for deafness."
Please note, however: "PawSense does not include a miracle cure for deafness."
Group Therapy
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children....
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers.
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers.
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
A hot 25 yo!
The good ol' C=64. I got mine in '91 or so, from Paul when he upgraded to the C=128. We spent so much time on BBS's downloading warez over his super-fast 2400 baud modem. We spent almost 2 weeks trying to crack the protection on the Track & Field game :)
I still have that thing somewhere, and about 500 floppies with games on it...
I still have that thing somewhere, and about 500 floppies with games on it...
Saturday, December 08, 2007
A smorgasborg of links
Ok, really only four. First up we have a funny little comic from Jenny at Devil's Panties ("Not Satanic porn... honest!"). She's the artist who drew my latest tattoo. Anyway, the comic is all about slapping the cat...
Next, to put us in the xmas mood, there's a comic I stumbled over titled interview with a human. It's a side-scroller, but trust me, by the end it gets to xmas. It's funny.
Next we have a NSFW link. If you've never been on any message boards, NSFW stands for Not Safe For Work, so you've been warned. It's not quite Sesame Street, although the recently released first seasons have been labelled adults only. You didn't care about that, though. You want NSFW! Here it is, the the ABC's of boobs! Of course, my favorite letter is "G".
Lastly, a link that no one but me cares about. It's a stat page for the server I play on every night. Notice who's number 2? It may look like a landslide, but #1 is at 42.8 points/hr, and #2 is at 42.7 points/hr. So I'm not that far behind :)
Next, to put us in the xmas mood, there's a comic I stumbled over titled interview with a human. It's a side-scroller, but trust me, by the end it gets to xmas. It's funny.
Next we have a NSFW link. If you've never been on any message boards, NSFW stands for Not Safe For Work, so you've been warned. It's not quite Sesame Street, although the recently released first seasons have been labelled adults only. You didn't care about that, though. You want NSFW! Here it is, the the ABC's of boobs! Of course, my favorite letter is "G".
Lastly, a link that no one but me cares about. It's a stat page for the server I play on every night. Notice who's number 2? It may look like a landslide, but #1 is at 42.8 points/hr, and #2 is at 42.7 points/hr. So I'm not that far behind :)
Friday, December 07, 2007
W00t!
So while I thought I was pretty much out of vacation, I recently found out I actually have so much that I'm in danger of falling prey to the "use it or lose it" policy. We only get to carry over 15 days. Long story short, I can cash it in or take it, and I'm going to do a little of both. There's supposed to be a stretch right around xmas where you can take 3 days of vacation, and get 2 weeks off. Yay me!
On a more bummer note, I'm pretty sure the incision from my hydrocelectomy is infected. I'm using one of those vacation days to try to get in to see the doctor.
On a more bummer note, I'm pretty sure the incision from my hydrocelectomy is infected. I'm using one of those vacation days to try to get in to see the doctor.
I think this is going to be a cool movie
Note: if I tried to watch any preview other than 480, it was too big for my screen.
I was a Speed Racer fan when I was a kid, I used to love it. Although I'm not a fan of the actor playing him, I still think this will be pretty good. Just watch the damn trailer :)
I was a Speed Racer fan when I was a kid, I used to love it. Although I'm not a fan of the actor playing him, I still think this will be pretty good. Just watch the damn trailer :)
Friday, November 30, 2007
Gibson's new robot
Ok, not really a robot, a self-tuning guitar. It doesn't *quite* play itself, but it's close :)
Monday, November 19, 2007
It's been a whole year
 |
| Paulc |
I miss Paul quite a bit. I'm constantly thinking, "Oh, I need to tell Paul about that", or just to have someone to talk to. Fucker.
Don't drink & ride!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Mending
But it seems like it's taking for-fucking-ever. I know, the surgery was only yesterday, but still. Let some doctor make a 3" horizontal incision in your scrotum, remove your testicles, play with them like a yoyo for a bit, and put them back in & see how you feel!
To be fair, as swollen as the left one was, I'm surprised it fit coming out of a 3" hole. I have this funky mesh jock strap thingy to keep everything in place, and Percocet to make me not care so much :)
I've just been taking it easy. Watching a lot of TV & DVDs. I installed VirtualBox, and Ubuntu 7.10, and that works pretty well. I've also been playing around a bit with Second Life. I'll probably ditch Second Life, though. There's just not much to do that I can find. Reminds me a bit of Sims Online, though. Oh, well.
To be fair, as swollen as the left one was, I'm surprised it fit coming out of a 3" hole. I have this funky mesh jock strap thingy to keep everything in place, and Percocet to make me not care so much :)
I've just been taking it easy. Watching a lot of TV & DVDs. I installed VirtualBox, and Ubuntu 7.10, and that works pretty well. I've also been playing around a bit with Second Life. I'll probably ditch Second Life, though. There's just not much to do that I can find. Reminds me a bit of Sims Online, though. Oh, well.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Swiss Study Finds Marijuana Use Alone May Benefit Some Teens
This is teens who only use marijuana once or twice a month. They do better in nearly all aspect than teens who smoke cigarettes, both, or don't do any drugs.Of course a US doctor disagrees.
read more | digg story
read more | digg story
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
A more unpleasantly productive Monday
Wednesday I go for my ultrasound, and assuming I'm not pregnant, surgery on Friday.
A productive weekend
On Saturday I built a 4' x 6' loft in the garage. It's a good place for extra bike parts to hang out. Right now it's stuffed full of Goldwing baggage :)
On Sunday I replaced the water pump on the Merc. One touchy bit removing the fan. It kept spinning instead of loosening. It was suggested that I jam something into the belt to stop it spinning, but that didn't work. I went to Autozone to buy a "fan clutch tool" but all they had was a set for most Fords. I checked, and indeed a fan clutch tool for a Ford 4.6L V8 was included. The guy said it'd be $40. I was hesitant to purchase a full set of Ford tools that I'd use once, but it was still cheaper than paying someone to do it. The guy kept talking as I was thinking, "And when you bring it back, you'll get your $40 back, it's just a deposit."
Yep, it was a loaner tool. Sometimes Autozone isn't too bad.
On Sunday I replaced the water pump on the Merc. One touchy bit removing the fan. It kept spinning instead of loosening. It was suggested that I jam something into the belt to stop it spinning, but that didn't work. I went to Autozone to buy a "fan clutch tool" but all they had was a set for most Fords. I checked, and indeed a fan clutch tool for a Ford 4.6L V8 was included. The guy said it'd be $40. I was hesitant to purchase a full set of Ford tools that I'd use once, but it was still cheaper than paying someone to do it. The guy kept talking as I was thinking, "And when you bring it back, you'll get your $40 back, it's just a deposit."
Yep, it was a loaner tool. Sometimes Autozone isn't too bad.
Friday, November 02, 2007
First we make an incision in the scrotum
Then we remove your testicles...
You know, this is *not* a procedure I want to perform on myself. Although I can think of a few people that'd like to do it for me....
You know, this is *not* a procedure I want to perform on myself. Although I can think of a few people that'd like to do it for me....
Dont forget to throw the gall bladder away.
Waiting lists for operations are often long and surgeons' fees can be very high. You can overcome both problems by learning how to perform surgery on yourself. Of course, you have to remember that some operations are far too complicated for the beginner. Even quite gifted amateurs will have difficulty in coping with delicate neurosurgical procedures. Amputations can be pretty tricky too.
Before you do anything at all you must plan your operation. You may have a cool nerve, steady hands and an incisive mind but you wont get far without a few instruments. Planning is all important in surgery. There is nothing worse than getting to the end of an operation and discovering that you dont have anything with which to close the wound. You'll find that walk to the local sudery appliances shop twice as long when your having to hold the edges of a gaping wound together. Remember how it feels when there isn't any toilet paper left ? Well, it'll be a lot worse than that!
The first decision you must make concerns the nature of the operation you intend to perform. Here are some of the operations you can choose from: tonsillectomy, hip replacement, orchidoplexy, mammaplasty and hemicolectomy. There are lots of other operations; some of them quite impossible to spell. Dont allow yourself to drift into doing a operation just because you can pronounce it. Try to choose one that will be useful. I suggest that you try an exploratory laparotomy or a simple cholecystectomy to start with since the mortality rates associated with these operations are relatively slight.
Having decided on an operation you must next collect together all the instruments and equipment you're likely to need. A good basic kit will include: foot operated suction pump, bi-active hyfrecator, platinum tipped cautery burner, heavy duty gynaecological transformer, proctosigmoid dessection set, universal needle set, angle ball electrode, Babinski's percussor, diathermy scalpel handle, Halsted's `mosquito' artery forceps, Backhaus' towel clips, Lister's sinus forceps. Foerster's sponge holding forceps, Littauer stitch sissors, Wright's needle holder, Crile Murray's needle holder, aural syringe, McKay nail elevator, seamless aliminium ear trough, Thudichum's nasal specula, Higginson's rubber syringe, Rose's sinus douching cannula, post nasal and laryngeal atomizer, St Clair Thomson's rhionoscope mirrors, Naunton Morgan's rectal speculum, universal lighting attachment, Barron haemorrhoidal ligator, dissecting forceps, uterine curette, Horrocks uterine sound, heavy duty cautery outfit, Macrae mucous extractor, umbilical dilator, Portex umbilical cannula, disposable sugical gloves, self sealing bisexual urinal.
You'll also need a large cardboard box filled with assorted syringes, needles, towels and paper tissues. You wont need to bother with a mask. Sugeons only wear those so that they wont be recognised afterwards.
Most of the instruments I've described can be obtained from any surgical supply store, but if you have any difficulty in finding some of them try approaching your local hospital. Offer to bye or rent an armful of assorted instruments. You will need at least an armful for any useful operation.
Having chosen an operation and having collected a bundle of instruments, you must then decide on the best site. You can, of course, perform your operation just about anywhere but it might prove sensible to opt for the kitchen. For one thing there will probably be a large table there. What's more, the floor and walls will probably be fairly easy to clean. If your home is equipped with a specially furnished operating theatre then there will, of course, be no problem.
Next you must have a good shave. Not just the hair on your face; you must shave your entire body. Little germs and other nasty things can hide among the hairs - particularly the tightly packed curly ones - and so it is vitally important to remove every last millimetre of stubble.
Finally, before you start it's wise to take the telephone off the hook and put any animals in another room. You dont want people ringing up when you're half way through a liver transplant to ask you round for coffee; nor do you want your dog to hang about begging for scraps. It might be a good idea to lock and bolt the back door too. Neighbours and tradesmen who might wander in by mistake may bring fresh germs with them. They are very unlikely to have shaved off all their hair before coming to see you.
With everything ready you can now begin. Pull the table into a good position where the light is evenly distributed. Put a pillow or a pile of towels under your head so that you can see what you are doing. Unfasten your skirt or your trousers and part your clothing so that you can see the whole area involved. If you are going to perform brain surgery you can keep all your clothes on.
Before you cut through the skin you must give yourself an anaesthetic, of course. This is really quite important. I suggest you give yourself an intravenous injection of Valium - using perhaps 20 mg. You mustn't render yourself completely unconscious, or you'll have difficultly in continuing with the procedure. You can start cutting as soon as you begin to feel woozy.
If, for example you have decided to perform a gall bladder removal operation on yourself, you can now set to work in search of the gall bladder. The following outline will demonstrate how simple it all is.
You will, of course, have unfastened your trousers (or skirt) and pulled your shirt (or blouse) right up under your chin. You may even like to remove your clothing altogether. Do remember to draw the kitchen curtains if you do this. Your gall bladder is nestling somewhere under your right rib and that is where you will be working.
The first cut must take you right to the site, so it is important to make it in the correct place. Don't make half a dozen cuts or you're going to find sewing up afterwards a real nightmare. The cut should be precisely situated underneath that rib. Do make a good deep cut and dont be tempted to mess around with a lot of wimpish little nicks. A really sharp slash with your scalpel will take you straight through the skin, the subcutanous fat, the fascia, the muscle layers and the peritoneum. Poke your hand through the hole you've made and feel around inside. Once you've found the gall bladder (you can't fail to recognise it) you can use your scissors to cut it away from the other internal tissues. There may be a little bleeding but there shouldn't be anything that a styptic pencil won't stop. (A styptic pencil, by the way is a very useful item.)
With the gall bladder out of the way, all that remains is to sew up the wound again. That shouldn't take more than a minute or two. It really is an extremely simple business and it's astonishing to think that surgeons make so much fuss about it.
Give yourself five minutes to recover and then get up off the table and make yourself a nice cup of tea. (That's another advantage of using the kitchen - the kettle isn't far away.) Dont forget to throw the gall bladder away. Wrap it in a paper bag if you're going to put it in the dustbin. As you relax with your tea, you can reflect smugly on the huge amounts of time and money you've saved.
Before you do anything at all you must plan your operation. You may have a cool nerve, steady hands and an incisive mind but you wont get far without a few instruments. Planning is all important in surgery. There is nothing worse than getting to the end of an operation and discovering that you dont have anything with which to close the wound. You'll find that walk to the local sudery appliances shop twice as long when your having to hold the edges of a gaping wound together. Remember how it feels when there isn't any toilet paper left ? Well, it'll be a lot worse than that!
The first decision you must make concerns the nature of the operation you intend to perform. Here are some of the operations you can choose from: tonsillectomy, hip replacement, orchidoplexy, mammaplasty and hemicolectomy. There are lots of other operations; some of them quite impossible to spell. Dont allow yourself to drift into doing a operation just because you can pronounce it. Try to choose one that will be useful. I suggest that you try an exploratory laparotomy or a simple cholecystectomy to start with since the mortality rates associated with these operations are relatively slight.
Having decided on an operation you must next collect together all the instruments and equipment you're likely to need. A good basic kit will include: foot operated suction pump, bi-active hyfrecator, platinum tipped cautery burner, heavy duty gynaecological transformer, proctosigmoid dessection set, universal needle set, angle ball electrode, Babinski's percussor, diathermy scalpel handle, Halsted's `mosquito' artery forceps, Backhaus' towel clips, Lister's sinus forceps. Foerster's sponge holding forceps, Littauer stitch sissors, Wright's needle holder, Crile Murray's needle holder, aural syringe, McKay nail elevator, seamless aliminium ear trough, Thudichum's nasal specula, Higginson's rubber syringe, Rose's sinus douching cannula, post nasal and laryngeal atomizer, St Clair Thomson's rhionoscope mirrors, Naunton Morgan's rectal speculum, universal lighting attachment, Barron haemorrhoidal ligator, dissecting forceps, uterine curette, Horrocks uterine sound, heavy duty cautery outfit, Macrae mucous extractor, umbilical dilator, Portex umbilical cannula, disposable sugical gloves, self sealing bisexual urinal.
You'll also need a large cardboard box filled with assorted syringes, needles, towels and paper tissues. You wont need to bother with a mask. Sugeons only wear those so that they wont be recognised afterwards.
Most of the instruments I've described can be obtained from any surgical supply store, but if you have any difficulty in finding some of them try approaching your local hospital. Offer to bye or rent an armful of assorted instruments. You will need at least an armful for any useful operation.
Having chosen an operation and having collected a bundle of instruments, you must then decide on the best site. You can, of course, perform your operation just about anywhere but it might prove sensible to opt for the kitchen. For one thing there will probably be a large table there. What's more, the floor and walls will probably be fairly easy to clean. If your home is equipped with a specially furnished operating theatre then there will, of course, be no problem.
Next you must have a good shave. Not just the hair on your face; you must shave your entire body. Little germs and other nasty things can hide among the hairs - particularly the tightly packed curly ones - and so it is vitally important to remove every last millimetre of stubble.
Finally, before you start it's wise to take the telephone off the hook and put any animals in another room. You dont want people ringing up when you're half way through a liver transplant to ask you round for coffee; nor do you want your dog to hang about begging for scraps. It might be a good idea to lock and bolt the back door too. Neighbours and tradesmen who might wander in by mistake may bring fresh germs with them. They are very unlikely to have shaved off all their hair before coming to see you.
With everything ready you can now begin. Pull the table into a good position where the light is evenly distributed. Put a pillow or a pile of towels under your head so that you can see what you are doing. Unfasten your skirt or your trousers and part your clothing so that you can see the whole area involved. If you are going to perform brain surgery you can keep all your clothes on.
Before you cut through the skin you must give yourself an anaesthetic, of course. This is really quite important. I suggest you give yourself an intravenous injection of Valium - using perhaps 20 mg. You mustn't render yourself completely unconscious, or you'll have difficultly in continuing with the procedure. You can start cutting as soon as you begin to feel woozy.
If, for example you have decided to perform a gall bladder removal operation on yourself, you can now set to work in search of the gall bladder. The following outline will demonstrate how simple it all is.
You will, of course, have unfastened your trousers (or skirt) and pulled your shirt (or blouse) right up under your chin. You may even like to remove your clothing altogether. Do remember to draw the kitchen curtains if you do this. Your gall bladder is nestling somewhere under your right rib and that is where you will be working.
The first cut must take you right to the site, so it is important to make it in the correct place. Don't make half a dozen cuts or you're going to find sewing up afterwards a real nightmare. The cut should be precisely situated underneath that rib. Do make a good deep cut and dont be tempted to mess around with a lot of wimpish little nicks. A really sharp slash with your scalpel will take you straight through the skin, the subcutanous fat, the fascia, the muscle layers and the peritoneum. Poke your hand through the hole you've made and feel around inside. Once you've found the gall bladder (you can't fail to recognise it) you can use your scissors to cut it away from the other internal tissues. There may be a little bleeding but there shouldn't be anything that a styptic pencil won't stop. (A styptic pencil, by the way is a very useful item.)
With the gall bladder out of the way, all that remains is to sew up the wound again. That shouldn't take more than a minute or two. It really is an extremely simple business and it's astonishing to think that surgeons make so much fuss about it.
Give yourself five minutes to recover and then get up off the table and make yourself a nice cup of tea. (That's another advantage of using the kitchen - the kettle isn't far away.) Dont forget to throw the gall bladder away. Wrap it in a paper bag if you're going to put it in the dustbin. As you relax with your tea, you can reflect smugly on the huge amounts of time and money you've saved.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Cult o' Death
Halloween is being "banned" in Moscow's schools, and all across Russia. The Kremlin, with little pushes from the Russian Orthodox Church, isn't trying to completely ban the holiday, just in schools and colleges. So they say, anyway.
The cult of death, the embracing of the dark traditions, the ritualistic ceremonies, all make them feel a tad uncomfortable.
Happy Halloween!
The cult of death, the embracing of the dark traditions, the ritualistic ceremonies, all make them feel a tad uncomfortable.
Happy Halloween!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Don't bang on his door on Saturday morning
Door-to-Door Atheist
Posted Nov 21, 2006Fed up with door-to-door Mormon missionaries, John Safran decides to do a little proselytizing of his own.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Orangutan prefers blondes
That's ok, I prefer tattooed blonds over orangutans, too!
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Sibu the Orangutan has miffed his Dutch keepers by refusing to mate with females and showing sexual interest only in tattooed human blondes.
Apenheul Primate Park hoped Sibu would become its breeding male when he arrived two years ago, but orangutans aren't his type.
"He chases them, or ignores them, but he doesn't do what he should do," said a spokeswoman for the park.
Instead, Sibu fancies his female keepers, especially blondes. That, the spokeswoman said, was common for orangutans but Sibu has a fetish for tattoos, harking back to a heavily tattooed keeper who reared him.
"orangutans have special interests in special subjects. Sibu happens to like tattoos," she said.
The park hasn't given up on Sibu, 31. He showed an amorous interest in a female Orangutan while living in England and keepers hope he will find love when reunited with her in a new enclosure in Chester, England.
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Sibu the Orangutan has miffed his Dutch keepers by refusing to mate with females and showing sexual interest only in tattooed human blondes.
Apenheul Primate Park hoped Sibu would become its breeding male when he arrived two years ago, but orangutans aren't his type.
"He chases them, or ignores them, but he doesn't do what he should do," said a spokeswoman for the park.
Instead, Sibu fancies his female keepers, especially blondes. That, the spokeswoman said, was common for orangutans but Sibu has a fetish for tattoos, harking back to a heavily tattooed keeper who reared him.
"orangutans have special interests in special subjects. Sibu happens to like tattoos," she said.
The park hasn't given up on Sibu, 31. He showed an amorous interest in a female Orangutan while living in England and keepers hope he will find love when reunited with her in a new enclosure in Chester, England.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
The new motorcycle blog
From now on, this will be a motorcycle blog.
Ok, not completely. I do need to rebuild the motor on my bike, though. It pretty much stopped in the middle of a ride. Once I pulled over and tried to restart it, the motor was locked up. Luckily, it freed up once it cooled off a bit. Still, I gotta pull the head & check everything out. Hopefully it's just the cam chain guide, and maybe the cam chain. Still, I've never torn into a motor, so it'll be a learning experience.
New South Park next week, whoo-hoo!
Ok, not completely. I do need to rebuild the motor on my bike, though. It pretty much stopped in the middle of a ride. Once I pulled over and tried to restart it, the motor was locked up. Luckily, it freed up once it cooled off a bit. Still, I gotta pull the head & check everything out. Hopefully it's just the cam chain guide, and maybe the cam chain. Still, I've never torn into a motor, so it'll be a learning experience.
New South Park next week, whoo-hoo!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Divorce JOTD
I promise a real post soon. At the very least, you need to see my new tattoo. -jred
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Are you gay?
"Am I Gay?" Self-examination
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Get run over by police, get fined
Basically the story is this: Dan is driving. Dan gets flat tire. Dan gets out to walk for help. Mr. Cop sees Dan walking away from car. Mr. Cop swerves over to intercept Dan. Mr. Cop runs over Dan's foot, crushing it. Mr. Cop rushes Dan to the hospital. Mr. Cop smells lawsuit, decides to try and cover himself. Mr. Cop gives Dan a ticket for denting his car. Dan is sad.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
OMG! This never happens to me!
So I stopped at a yard sale today, because I saw they had a weedeater out & I need one. I wasn't expecting it to run, but if it did, I didn't want to pay more than 10 or 20 bucks for it. So I walk up and the lady says "If you see something you want, name your price & you can probably have it." I figure they must be trying to just have the shit go away. I've been there :) I ask if the weedeater works, and she says she's not sure but he only wants a dollar for it. The guy comes out & says it runs but the bottom doesn't spin. He cranks it up & it started easy. Looked like the string wanted to spin, but whatever. He actually did just want a dollar for it.
I went ahead and bought it. I figured if I couldn't fix it cheaply, I'd work out a way to put it on Ramona's bike & make a moped :) Or just throw it away. It was a freakin dollar! Later I started to take it apart, to check the drive cable. It looked ok, so I spun it by hand. The string started spinning! As I was putting the shaft back in the motor, I realized it had been pulled out about a half inch. I cranked it up & the fucker worked! I got a working weedeater for a dollar! W00t!
I went ahead and bought it. I figured if I couldn't fix it cheaply, I'd work out a way to put it on Ramona's bike & make a moped :) Or just throw it away. It was a freakin dollar! Later I started to take it apart, to check the drive cable. It looked ok, so I spun it by hand. The string started spinning! As I was putting the shaft back in the motor, I realized it had been pulled out about a half inch. I cranked it up & the fucker worked! I got a working weedeater for a dollar! W00t!
Friday, August 03, 2007
Who'd have thunk it?
I discovered I was out of Irish Spring, my normal brand of soap. Oh, well, I'll just use some of Ramona's body wash. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Who'd have thought that Cucumber & Green Tea Moisturizing Body Wash (For Dry Skin) would be so icky?!?! It felt like I'd taken a bath in Jergen's! Plus, it made me feel dirty all day. I just knew stuff was sticking to every available inch of my body...
On the way home I stopped and got some Irish Spring. Tomorrow I'll feel fresh and clean as a whistle!
On the way home I stopped and got some Irish Spring. Tomorrow I'll feel fresh and clean as a whistle!
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
No spiders last night
And in case you were wondering, no, I'm not on drugs.
Of course, maybe there were no spiders because I was too busy in the bathroom. I'm starting to wonder if I've got IBS. A trumped up, psychosomatic illness if I've ever heard of one.
On my way now to the school for a parent meeting. My little girl is going to middle school. Damn, add something else to that pile of hormones...
Of course, maybe there were no spiders because I was too busy in the bathroom. I'm starting to wonder if I've got IBS. A trumped up, psychosomatic illness if I've ever heard of one.
On my way now to the school for a parent meeting. My little girl is going to middle school. Damn, add something else to that pile of hormones...
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